Don’t Get Caught In A Lie-Liars All

Liars All (2013) is more of a mystery thriller than a horror film, but I felt compelled to write about it because not that long ago, seriously like a month ago, I was tinkering with an idea for a slasher movie revolving around a game of Truth or Dare. Well, damn it, this movie kind of sort of beat me to it. Just goes to show that no idea is original. My version would of course have more blood and gore, but the premise is still almost the same. Damn it. Nevertheless, I watched this last night before I went to bed, I dreamed about it, and now of course it is embedded in my subconscious. Don’t get me wrong, this movie is not that good, but I found it to be entertaining. Without further adieu about my ramblings, here is what the movie is about…

A group of friends gather for a party on New Year’s Eve in London. When Dennis (Torrance Coombs, HBO’s The Tudors) brings back the group to his place, Missy (Gillian Zinser, The CW’s 90210) is already there waiting to crash the party. Doesn’t matter. She has made a NC-17 version of Truth or Dare (you know, the kind you always wanted to play, but realized there’s only ever that one hot person at the party that inevitably is always unavailable therefore refuses [smartly] to not participate. It is just the way it is). Party ensues, party game commences, then out on a dare Missy is shot dead. Only two other people on the scene with Missy, four suspects. Was it murder or was it suicide?

OK so a little back story. Missy is an American student studying in London. She meets and falls in love with Dennis, a professional footballer (we can say it, soccer player!). He dumps her and soon after gets engaged to a famous pop singer. This news makes Missy totally unhinged and the Truth or Dare game was made to get Dennis back into her arms.

Enter Mike (Matt Lanter, The CW’s 90210) and Katie (Sara Paxton, Shark Night 3D), Missy’s friends from America that came to visit. Mike is unconditionally in love with Missy, Katie is in love with Mike and knows Missy is bad for him. Missy knows of Mike’s affections and likes to tempt and tease him, driving him crazy. The deeper the hooks get into Mike, the more angry Katie becomes. So we have a love-square of dangerous proportions going on here. Dennis loves his fiance, Missy loves Dennis, Mike loves Missy, Katie loves Mike. To add to that at one point during the party Dennis tries to hook up with Katie. Yeah, not a very faithful guy and all in all a very messy situation.

Going back to the dare. Dennis, Missy, and Mike have to break into a home and steal something valuable. Once inside Missy throws Dennis’s jersey into a corner as “evidence” and depending what version of the story you hear, Dennis’s, Mike’s, or what the investigator thinks happened, a gun is pulled out as part of the prank. Missy loads it, then from there it’s all speculation of what really happened. Did she pull the trigger? Was there a scuffle between her and one (or both) of the guys? Did one (or both) of the guys shoot her? I will leave that mystery to you my gently crazed reader to find out.

The movie is a jumbled mess of back story (how Missy became crazed) and then the three different versions of what happened at the shooting, plus Katie’s version of what happened at the party. Katie delivers us a very thoughtful speech about how sometimes you will take the pain for the pleasure in regards to why she started making out with Dennis, but ended it before it got further. That speech was probably the best part of the dialogue throughout the movie. I forgot to mention that Mike has a video camera that he uses to record the entire night, but said he stopped recording when they broke into the apartment. Was he telling the truth?

There you have it. A movie for those bored, lonely nights when you wish you could get a group of friends together for some drunken debauchery. Yeah, good luck with that.

Don’t Wait Until Spring for “Mother’s Day”

I’ve never seen the original “Mother’s Day”, so I can’t compare it to the new version.  What I know is, the original was a Troma film from 1980, which means this version must be a step up. Known as the home of “The Toxic Avenger” and “Sgt. Kabukiman,” Troma tends to be so far over the top there is no more top, which is what makes them must-see adolescent viewing.  Violence, spatter, irreverent humor, weirdness, and boobies are hallmarks of every Troma film.

So, even though Troma gurus Lloyd and Charles Kaufman are loosely involved, this new version doesn’t resemble a Troma film at all.  In fact, it’s a very well done horror film, with some excellent performances.

The film begins when 3 brothers flee a robbery gone wrong.  One of them is bleeding heavily after being shot in the side.  He screams he wants Mama and they head for home.

Home, as it turns out, is a busy place.  A yuppie couple are having friends over for a birthday party, down in the house’s furnished basement.  When the men arrive upstairs they are stunned to fine their house has changed. In short time they encounter both the husband Daniel (Frank Grillo) and wife Beth (Jaime King) when they come upstairs, and they learn the house was sold to them in a foreclosure.

The men take Daniel hostage and demand medical treatment for their wounded brother Johnny (Matt O’Leary).  As it turns out, one of the guests, George (Shawn Ashmore) is a doctor, and Beth manages to get him upstairs, where the brothers force George to tend to Johnny.  From there, things spiral out of control until Mama (Rebecca DeMornay) arrives with the family’s sister, Lydia (Deborah Ann Woll) in tow.

Hooray DeMornay!

DeMornay does an outstanding job of portraying Mama as intelligent, controlled, and loving while demanding respect.  When Mama learns the money her boys had been sending home to her seemingly never arrived, DeMornay continues to bring her A game as Mama gets suspicious and ruthless.  The boys aren’t the only ones in the crime business it seems.  Mama is the head of the operation, and things aren’t going well.  She needs that money to get the family out of the country, where they can start fresh. But who has it?  She means to find out, by any means necessary.

Horror films are meant to entertain, but good ones have something to say, and really good ones can make you think while entertaining you.  “Mother’s Day” isn’t the best horror movie I’ve ever seen, but it is very good.  Mama’s clan is brutal, but not cartoonish and grotesque like Leatherface and his crew or the inbred mutants of the “Wrong Turn”  or “The Hills Have Eyes” films.  They’re humans.  Humans we can identify with, even as they give friends the option to stab each other or be shot dead.  And when they play psychological games such as that with their captives, the results make us think about humanity, not boobies and a body count.

The Original “Cat People” is Horror Noir

I remember the remake of “The Cat People” coming out when I was growing up, and I remember it being presented as a cutting edge erotic thriller.  My cousin and I would try to catch glimpses of it on cable because we had heard at school and on TV that Nastassja Kinski got naked a lot.  We never did see enough of the movie to find out, and I was never compelled enough by what I did see to track down and watch the rest of the film.

This is not that film.

The original “Cat People” from 1942 is very much like a film noir thriller, and by today’s standards is very slow, but it’s a horror film with great influence over the years, and the style alone makes it worth watching.

Doomed marriage

The plot is similar to your classic werewolf story, but with a unique twist.  Architect Oliver Reed (Kent Smith) meets Serbian-born fashion designer Irena Dubrovna (Simone Simon) and falls in love.  Intrigued by a painting Irena has of a man impaling a panther with a sword, Irena tells him it’s a tale from her home country of King John.  In her village, after her people were enslaved by the Mameluks, they turned to witchcraft and dark ways.  When King John defeated the Mameluks he saw what the villagers had become and was forced to deal with them, as depicted in the picture.  Oliver gives Irena a kitten, which hisses at her, and an encounter with a cat-eyed old Serbian woman who asks if Irena is one of her sisters is very odd, but despite these things, Oliver marries her.

Because of the encounter with the old woman,  Irena fears she actually is one of the cat people of Serbian legend, descendants of those who survived King John’s purging.  According to the legend, cat people turn in to panthers when they become aroused.  Therefore Irena refuses to sleep with her new husband, for fear she’d lose control of herself, turn into a panther, and kill him.  Oliver thinks otherwise and has Irena see psychiatrist Dr. Louis Judd (Tom Conway), who quickly becomes attracted to Irena.

To make the marital situation worse, Oliver works with Alice Moore (Jane Randolph), a fellow architect who is also Oliver’s confidant and friend.  While the relationship is platonic, Irena is jealous.  Suspicious that more is going on than work and coffee, Irena begins following Alice, and also calls the office and hangs up if Alice answers the phone. Thus, a quadrangle of intrigue and motivation is formed.

Quality filmmaking

The core of the film, is the question of whether Irena is insane or if she really is a cat person, and it’s handled very well.  It’s 1942, so there’s very little in terms of violence or metamorphosis that can be shown. Mostly it’s implied, which adds to the mystery and suspense.

Two scenes are particularly good in terms of suspense.  In one Alice has worked late and Irena calls, hears that she’s there, and hangs up on her.  Disturbed, Alice leaves the office and heads home, cutting through a long alley.  Irena follows, providing the sound of two sets of heels clicking on the pavement. Suddenly only one set is clicking and there’s no exit from the alley.  Did one pair turn into soft, padded panther feet?  It’s dark and foggy, so it’s hard to tell, but the question is there.

In a later scene, Alice goes for a swim at an indoor pool.  Again it’s late and she’s alone.  Something is wrong and she starts to scream.  Irena steps out from the shadows as staff arrive to see what’s wrong.  Irena asks where her husband is and leaves, but after she’s gone Alice’s robe is found slashed to pieces.  Was it slashed by a sharp tool, or by panther claws?

Another nice touch is the use of symbolism, something in scant use in horror films at the time and almost unheard of now, when the attitude appears to be,  “Symbolism?  Leave it for Merchant-Ivory, just start killing people. ”  The two chief bits at work are amusing.  One, Irena wears a black fur coat for essentially the whole movie, an outward reminder of the panther she may have within.  Two, Alice is frequently wearing a hat with a large feather on it.  She’s the bird who is the prey for Irena the cat.  Of course at the time both fur coats and feathered hats were common for women to wear, but in the film, they were the only ones, which makes it significant, and adds a layer of texture to the film.

Worth looking for

It may not be easy to find this film, but if you see it or it happens to be on, I recommend watching it.  It’s not an effects-laden thrill-a-minute roller coaster ride on film, but it’s atmospheric, creepy and fun.

Remakes, Reboots, Call Them What You Want, Doesn’t Mean They Needed to Happen

Hollywood has been running out of new ideas for years and suddenly there has been this big boom in remakes, reboots, whatever the kids are calling it these days. Going through my movie collection I compiled a list of movies of those that in my own opinion should not have been remade, remakes that are not quite so bad, movies you would not mind seeing a remake because of your morbid curiosity, and movies that Hollywood just better not think about touching! I am not up on current times so I do not own many remakes nor do I scour message boards for rumors of anything of the sort, so just bear with me here.

No-nos, movies that should have not been remade/rebooted:

-Friday the 13th (1980, 2009)- yes they wanted to modernize it, whatever, but the 80s grittiness is what makes that movie so awesome to begin with. I could argue that the retelling could make it into the not-so-bad pile, but it’s your call.

-The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974, 2003)-why? Just why? Jessica Biel running around with her arms in the air practically the whole movie? I think we saw more of her armpits that anything else…

-A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984, 2010)-again, why? Did they really need to go there? I can add that having a little more of a back story on Krueger was appreciated, but he’s still a creepy dream guy. As kids most of us have seen the original and shat our pants during the night. The new take on it loses that scariness. Moving on…

-Night of the Demons (1988, 2009)-probably another one that might make it into the not-so-bad pile, but ugh. Shannon Elizabeth is A) too old for the part, B) can’t act to begin with, and C) had a really, really bad wig. Edward Furlong too looking a bit worse for wear? Geez….however, I do love me some Monica Keena. She’s what saved this monstrosity.

-Black Christmas (1974, 2006)- I can’t stress enough how much I love the original. The remake was almost completely different and more along the lines of a torture porn or gross-out movie. The original is just downright scary and I still can’t watch it alone at night. Let it be, people!

-Halloween (1978, 2007)-man, I like Rob Zombie and all, but he can go fuck himself for touching this classic. That’s all I have to say about that. Except that Danielle Harris is HOT.

-Prom Night (1980, 2008)-stupid, cheesy, funny, and spooky the way it is. The remake took a different path of a psychotic, stalking teacher coming back to claim what he thinks is his, but still a big let down.

Not-So-Bad Remakes/Reboots:

-Fright Night (1985, 2011)- anyone that knows me knows how much it pains me to admit it. Fright Night has always been one of my all-time favorite movies and I started yelling and screaming when I found out that Colin fucking Farrell was playing my beloved Jerry Dandridge and goddamn McLovin’ playing Evil Ed. I was pissed! However, I went to the theater all the same and came out actually liking it. Damn it all to Hell, it’s not that bad. Stay away from the sequel remake though, that’s a pile!

-Dawn of the Dead (1978, 2004)- I really liked the remake although the original is great as-is too. Many people would disagree with me and how zombies aren’t supposed to run, whatever, but the movie is still fun.

-My Bloody Valentine(3D) (1981, 2009)- I saw the remake before I saw the original. The original is total 80s cheese and you have to love that, but I do enjoy the new one a bit more and not just because it has Jensen Ackles in it (although he’s really just playing a maniacal Dean Winchester, not much range in there). It also has Tom Atkins. How cool is that? However, no shower head impalement. Boooo!

-House of Wax (1953, 2005)-only saw part of the original and know enough that the remake is a whole different ball of wax. Ha! Many kids nowadays might not even know this was a remake because the original is much older than all of the other movies on this list. I had to do some research about it myself back when the new movie came out. Love it or hate it, but what’s not to like about Paris Hilton getting a metal pole shoved through her forehead? Oops, I just gave that away…

-Evil Dead (1981, 2013)-see my article, “It’s Evil, It’s Dead, but It’s No Evil Dead” about this one.

-The Thing (1951, 1982)- now this movie is just plain awesome. I didn’t even know it was a remake of an older movie called The Thing From Another World. You have to love Kurt Russell and Co. I couldn’t imagine a better selection of actors to work together on this film!

Movies that a remake might not be SO horrible:

-Hellraiser (1987)- this storyline just keeps going and going, but from what I understand Clive Barker and Doug Bradley are in talks of a reboot. Maybe it’s about time. Let’s hope they stick with the practical effects!

-Child’s Play (1988)- this movie is great as-is and I shudder to think that they would just make Chucky some stupid CGI garbage puppet, but we may not see a remake, just more and more sequels as he becomes less scary and more hilarious.

-Waxwork (1988)- this another one of my personal favorites that I think doesn’t need to be remade, however, I would be curious to see a modernization of it. Maybe they can get Zach Galligan back?

-Pet Semetary (1989)- this movie still scares the bejeezus out of me. Stupid little baby Gage! Again, I wonder what a more modernization would look like, but it’s really not necessary at all.

Movies that should never be touched:

-Lost Boys (1987)- oh my I can only hear the uproar on that one. You can’t touch the Coreys, damnit!

-Cutting Class (1989)- Brad Pitt, Jill Schoelen, Roddy McDowell? This movie might scream to be remade as it’s a classic high school slasher, but I fear what they would do to it….

-Killer Klowns From Outer Space (1988)- they better not dare! I have read though in Fangoria that they are working on a sequel? Maybe? Do what you want with that, but do not touch these scary clowns!

-Freddy vs. Jason (2003)- ok, ok, for all the time it took for them to develop this script they could have done better. If they think they can do better, fine, but I highly doubt it. No one cares that much anymore unless you add Ash to the mix and that will never happen.

-The Silence of the Lambs (1991)- how could you? Answer me that…

–Re-Animator (1985)- I will cut someone!

-Chopping Mall (1986)- another great 80s cheeseball movie, but it wouldn’t really work in today’s society. Malls are kind of dead and tired. Yes, teens still do hang out there a lot, but nowadays it’s mostly because they work there. No one wants to hang out there overnight and if they do, hey more kudos to you!

-Ginger Snaps (2000)- still a fairly current release, however, with it’s popularity Hollywood is probably sniffing around wondering if they can and will remake this. One word- don’t!

-Ghostbusters (1984)- lie through your teeth all you want about sequels, but touch the original and you will be haunting someone!

-The Monster Squad (1987)-you can’t. You just can’t. I don’t think anyone will allow it.

-Interview With The Vampire (1994)- so sadly 90s, but it works and needs to be left alone.

-The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)- so downright hilarious with Dennis Hopper how can you even think about redoing it? That’s just wrong….

-Night of the Creeps (1986)- NO! Tom Atkins is too cool for school in this movie and it’s a great college horror comedy. It needs to go untouched.

-From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)-anyone who wants to fuck with Rodriguez and Tarantino I think will have a death wish. Better to stay away.

Ok, so maybe not the best list, but it is what I got. I had a few more movies on the “don’t touch” list only to find out that they are indeed being remade. Oh that sucks. Feel free to leave comments below for suggestions, opinions, your lists, or how much you hate me. Do what you will.

“The Lords of Salem” is Deeply Disturbing But Flawed

Rob Zombie loves his wife, Sheri Moon Zombie, and who can blame him?  She’s beautiful, and she’s a talented designer and actress, whom he has featured in most of his work, particularly his films.  He loves her so much that his latest film, “The Lords of Salem,” features her in her first lead role.  The problem is, she isn’t given much to do.

Ms. Zombie (To differentiate her from writer/director Rob Zombie) plays Heidi Hawthorne aka “Heidi LeRoq,” recovering drug addict and one of the 3 co-hosts of a popular Salem-area radio show.  She also is the potential host to the child of Satan.

As we learn over the course of the film, back in the 17th century, during the Salem Witch Trials, a coven of witches known as “The Lords” was active in the area, trying to summon Satan and bring about the birth of his spawn to be their king.  They were hunted and captured by Reverend Hawthorne (Andrew Prine) and burned at the stake.  But before they burned, their leader Margaret Morgan (Meg Foster) cursed Hawthorne, saying the Lords would return and Satan’s child would be born from Hawthorne’s bloodline.

A bad record

Back in 2013, a box marked with odd symbols arrives at the radio station, addressed to Heidi Hawthorne, which is odd because at the radio station she is almost exclusively known as Heidi LeRoq.  Inside is a vinyl record marked simply “The Lords.” Heidi takes it home and her coworker/sometime boyfriend puts it on.  Strange music comes on that obviously has an effect on Heidi.  When the record is later played on the air, the effect on Heidi is worse and other women listening in the area seem to go in a trance.

At the same time, in the building where Heidi lives, strange things are happening in Apartment 5, down the hall from Heidi.  Supposedly it’s vacant, yet Heidi keeps seeing someone down there and sometimes she thinks she has gone in the apartment, where disturbing things happen, only to wake up back in her bed.  Things have become rather surreal for her since listening to the record, and it’s hard to tell what’s real and what’s a dream.

The odd happenings continue around Heidi, in her apartment and in apartment 5, with her landlady/neighbor and her two “sisters” eventually taking part.  When the stress of the bizarre events causes Heidi to relapse and take drugs, the sisters bring Heidi, now adorned in makeup with ritual symbols, to apartment 5, where she undergoes a disturbing communion with a misshapen monster.

Appearing for one night only

Not long afterward, the film reaches its climax with an appearance by the Lords themselves at a Salem area theatre.  Heidi and her radio colleagues are slated to attend the event, sponsored by the radio station, but Heidi is suddenly the surprise guest of honor as the witches’ plan comes to fruition.  The fate of her radio friends is unknown, but the fate of others is grim, and the conclusion is again, disturbing.  Parts of the ending made me shudder and my stomach knot long after the movie was over.

Direct object

Getting back to the initial point of the review, it’s clear that lots of things are happening around Heidi, the central character, and things definitely happen to her, but all things considered she doesn’t do much herself.  In her first scene we watch a naked Heidi slowly wake up, pee, and start her morning routine.  After that, what we see is Heidi reacting to things happening around her, which Ms. Zombie does very well, but we don’t see her doing much independent action.  She goes to work and reacts to the people there.  She feeds and plays with her dog.  She reacts to Apartment 5.  She passively listens to addicts in her support group.  She reacts to her neighbor.  She smokes nervously.  She cries.  She breaks down and gets high.  She gets led here and there.  But we don’t see her do much on her own.  She doesn’t decide anything. We don’t know what makes her tick.  It might be Rob Zombie’s way of illustrating that what is happening to her is fate, but it doesn’t help her character.

Movie vs. video

This is part of a bigger problem.  This isn’t Rob Zombie’s first film.  It’s his fifth, and before that he cut his directorial teeth on his music videos.  Early on, Zombie established a very distinct style, one that I enjoy quite a bit.  Basically, he’s a fan.  Zombie loves horror.  He loves all the old horror movies and uses references to them and snippets of the in his music and his films, including this one.  If you were to describe what he does in one sentence it would be that he takes classic horror and jacks it up on steroids.  What could have been implied becomes overt.  What would have been taboo is closely examined.

At the same time he is a master of disturbing imagery, as evidenced early on from his stage persona and promotional art for each film.  He’s very good at making things look very wrong.  Even in his version of Halloween, he took the original creepy William Shatner mask worn by Michael Myers and gave it the effects of age, which made it look sick and evil not just otherworldly and scary.

This film may be the best evidence of Zombie’s use of disturbing imagery.  Even the exterior shots of Heidi’s building just feel off, made worse I’m sure by the underlying pulse sound he has going through much of the film.  He wants to feel sick and afraid at all times, even when nothing is really going on, and it works.  Halfway through the film I had a knot in my stomach, and nothing had happened yet.

These are all great things, and they’re things I was hoping and expecting to see.  But there are distinct problems with the storytelling in the film that were not evident in Zombie’s previous films.  The ending is particularly problematic.  After the Lords appear on stage, we are given a number of shots that are really disturbing, as Heidi posed with a goat, and Heidi as a resplendent queen atop a mound of corpses.  These are great visual images but they need more to be a real story.

The best parallel I can give comes from comics.  These scenes are like a 1990s splash page from Image or one of the other off-brand publishers started by artists that focused on art over writing.  They did great 2-page images that looked cool and would make for a great poster, but they had a hard time telling a decent story for the remaining pages.

The devil is in the details

I think the difference is in the subject matter.  In all of his previous films, Zombie dealt with crazed killers and murderous outlaws – things very much in the tangible world.  This is his first foray into the supernatural, which typically requires more detail to ground the viewer and keep the story going.

In this film we are missing details that could have been provided without adding much time to the film.  Without those details we’re left with logistical questions like:

Where does the record come from?  Did the 17th century witches look through time and know that technology would exist, then cause it to be made, or was it the 3-witch mini-coven in Heidi’s building?

If the record came from the mini-coven, where did the music come from? It sounds just like the Lords themselves, so is it somehow the original audio, or a modern simulation?

Why is the record played on the air?  It’s established that Heidi works at a hard rock station, and the music isn’t rock, in fact it’s barely music.  Why would this have been played?  If the program manager was influenced by the coven, or a member of it, this should have been established.

For that matter, why does the station have tickets to the Lords appearance?  The Lords have been dead for centuries, so is it the small coven acting on their behalf?  It wouldn’t take much time to clarify this, and would make for a better story.

Finally, do the Lords actually come back and reincarnate themselves, or have they taken over bodies of women who have heard the music?  When I saw the scene of the women becoming entranced upon hearing the music, I thought that was the case, but nothing else was done with it until the Lords appeared onstage.

Bottom line

Despite having these lingering questions, I recommend seeing the film especially if you’re a Zombie fan.  It’s atmospherically very good, the performances are all around good, and it has visuals that will stay with you long after the film is over.  If you’re prone to nightmares, psychosis, or paranoia, it may not be for you.

It should be noted that Ms. Zombie’s portrayal of a recovering addict is very impressive.  From the way she looks, with her blonde dreadlocks, to the way she acts and the way her coworker friends cheer for her every day but watch for signs of a fall and cry out in frustration when it happens, it’s dead-on like the real thing.  I’m not one myself, but I’ve known a few, and one in particular who was exactly like the character Ms. Zombie portrays.  I don’t think she’ll ever be nominated for a serious award, and I’m sure if I ever brought up in discussion with mainstream critics or film buffs how versatile her performances have been I’d be laughed at even after I give my supportive arguments, but she has proven to be quite good. From her role as the seductive sociopathic killer in “The Devil’s Rejects” to Michael’s struggling mother in “Halloween” to her current role as Heidi, each character has had distinctive personality that she has brought to the role, not just different names and costumes.  That’s the evidence of a good actress.

Visiting Richard Matheson’s “Other Kingdoms”

Richard Matheson completed two last novels shortly before his death in 2013 (see “Who is Richard Matheson?”http://sogooditsscary.com/?p=153) , the horror/fantasy novel “Other Kingdoms,” released in 2011, and “Generations”, which was released in 2012.  Both are fitting end notes to his career, as “Generations” is a fictionalized account of parts of his life, and “Other Kingdoms” combines horror, fantasy, and war – almost all the elements of the stories and novels he was known for writing.  Since “Generations” is not a horror novel, we’ll focus on “Other Kingdoms.”

In the book, 82-year old Alex White looks back to 1918, the year he turned 18 and went to fight in World War One, or the Great War, as it was called at the time.  He is sent to the trenches in France where he meets British soldier Harold Lightfoot, and the two quickly become friends.

When a shell mortally wounds Lightfoot and seriously injures White, Lightfoot uses his final moments to ask White to visit the village Lightfoot is from, though he doesn’t tell him where it is.  He also tells White there’s something for him in his bag.  What White finds is a huge lump of gold.

Discharged due to his leg injury, White travels to northern England and manages to find Lightfoot’s village.  There the story truly begins.  White rents a tiny house on the edge of the woods, where he experiences a distressing supernatural attack.  He is rescued by a beautiful older woman, Magda, who lives in a spacious house in the woods.  Magda tells him he was attacked by fairies.

Born and raised a skeptic, White scoffs at this, but as more attacks occur, he starts to believe.  Then he actually meets a fairy, Ruthana, whom he falls in love with (they’re naturally about 3 feet tall but can change their size to be bigger or smaller) even though he has moved in with and begun a relationship with Magda, who reveals herself to be a witch.

Witch vs. fairies

This begins a conflict that forms the central plot of the book.  White, a total outsider,  is now torn between two women.  Ruthana, the innocent-seeming beautiful fairy, and Magda, the protective hypersexual witch.  Someone has been attacking White and each woman says it’s the other.  He loves each of them in a way and has reason to trust and fear both of them, but who is telling the truth?

The book in many ways is reminiscent of Matheson’s classic “Hell House,” in which a skeptic has to come to terms with and overcome the supernatural.  It also has many of the other elements Matheson is known for, namely paranoia and grounding the horror of the story in the mind and emotions, not gore and violence, although there is that.

Flawed gem

The story isn’t flawless, though.  What we’re told at the beginning of the book is that Alex White is also well-known suspense author Arthur Black.  White himself narrates the story, which is fine.  It adds a personal touch to the narrative and a perspective that adds depth.  He’s an 82-year old man discussing what happened to his 18-year old self, and we get moments where the older man recognizes the younger man was a fool.  That’s good.

What’s bad is that Arthur Black isn’t a real person. He has never written anything that anyone has ever read.  So it’s distracting and annoying when Alex White makes repeated references to “Arthur Black fans” or says a phrase he just used would be a good Arthur Black title, or, worst of all, when he celebrates every time he strings together 2 or more words that begins with the same letter because it’s a favorite Arthur Black technique.

Again, Arthur Black isn’t real. These references are meaningless to every man, woman, child, or robot who could read them.  Arthur Black the pseudonym plays no part in the story, which takes place before he was in any way even a fictional reality.  Thus all the asides and references to Black made by our narrator, Alex White, simply break up the pace and become an increasing irritant.

Elderly storytellers

Then, it gets worse.  After taking time to describe the different denizens of the Middle Kingdom aka “faery world”, which should have been done much earlier, White starts to ramble, almost stammer, and forget things, then apologize for it.  By doing this Matheson is obviously trying to craft a narrative that accounts for the writer being 82.  This is a problem for two reasons.

1. It’s annoying as hell.  Similar to what I said about “The Colorado Kid,”http://sogooditsscary.com/?p=11 you don’t want to sacrifice the flow of the story to show some sort of nuance of characterization.  When Matheson starts to do this, it brings the story to a shuddering halt.  Not a good thing.

2. I don’t buy it.  Yes, the narrator, is 82, but he’s an 82-year old writer, and he’s writing this. At no point are we told he’s just talking to someone.  So he’s using the skills he’s had for 60-odd years as a professional.  He’s not going to suddenly stammer as he writes. Besides, for the entire book so far he’s been fine.  There’s no reason to start rambling and forgetting far into the book.

Thankfully, the rambling doesn’t increase, and by the end it’s virtually gone again.  At one point, White comments on it himself, saying Arthur Black wouldn’t approve.  That seems to be an allusion to the writer’s idea of one’s pen name be3ing a separate person from one’s real self, something Stephen King has talked about in real life, and written about in “The Dark Half.”  I definitely understand that as well and am guilty of it frequently, but in this case it would have been better to stick to the story.

Bottom line

Does that mean this is a bad book? No.  Overall it’s a good one.  Highly original, fascinating, at times full of suspense, mystery, and terror.  A worthy send-off to one of the masters of the craft.  It’s just flawed, which in a way is encouraging.  It shows Matheson was human.

“Warm Bodies” Zombies Don’t Sparkle, But They Try

The cover copy for “Warm Bodies” has one critic suggesting it’s “the best zombie love story ever.”  It’s not.  That was “Zombie Honeymoon,” a far superior film.  I really liked that movie. It was funny, touching, and scary.  A good combination.

“Warm Bodies” has those elements, but it’s not a zombie film,  It’s a fairy tale and a love story patterned after Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet” that tries to be a zombie movie sometimes. If you watch it as a quirky love story, it’s fine.  The premise is, the zombie apocalypse has occurred and the remaining humans are in one city Colonel Grigio (John Malkovich) rules in a sort of militarized city-state which he has walled off for protection.  The zombies have congregated at the airport, which is their own version of a city, though they still roam in search of living humans to eat.

The story is narrated by teenage zombie R (Nicholas Hoult), so called because he remembers his name began with an R, but nothing else.  R has a similarly-named friend, M (Rob Corddry) who grunts at him sometimes in the airport.  Zombies in this world can grunt and on occasion speak one or two words with difficulty.

One day, M grunts that’s he’s hungry and they should go to the city to eat.  At the same time, Colonel Grigio’s daughter Julie (Teresa Palmer) is sent out with a group to get supplies. While they’re on the mission they are attacked by R and his group of zombie friends.  R kills Julie’s boyfriend Perry Kelvin (Dave Franco) and eats part of his brain, but when he sees Julie something clicks in him and he doesn’t attack.  Instead he takes Julie away to safety as the zombies and humans battle.

R takes Julie back to the airport, to his special place, a passenger jet filled with various items, including lights, records, blankets, and a record player.  He convinces Julie to stay several days until it’s safe to try to leave, and in that time they learn about each other.

What Julie doesn’t know is that while she sleeps, R is eating chunks of her boyfriend’s brain he has stashed away.  In this universe, when zombies eat brains, they experience the memories of that person.  The more of that brain they eat, the more they learn and feel.  During this time R’s feelings for Juile deepen, blended with the feelings Perry had for her while alive. These feelings cause R’s zombie heart to actually beat once more and he starts to come alive.

Corpses and skeletons

Still not trusting zombies and wanting to go home, Julie sneaks away and R runs after her, arriving just in time to rescue her from a pack of “boneys.” “Boneys” are the really bad kind of zombie that don’t have partial names or listen to records, and thanks to the miracle of copy and paste CGI, all look about the same.  R says boneys are zombies who have lost all connection with humanity and peeled away their remaining flesh on the outside before giving way to mindless hunger.  The living humans call that kind “skeletons” and R’s kind “corpses.”

R and Julie try to leave the airport, encountering M along the way.  He is confused by R not eating Julie, and sees the two of them holding hands.  In an overt act of friendship that had previously been limited to nods and grunts, M drives an airport shuttle into the boneys chasing Julie and R to help them escape, then speaks almost a full sentence.

Shifting gears

At this point the movie changes and it’s harder to call it a zombie movie. The parallels with “Romeo and Juliet” become more apparent, including a balcony scene, and then of course there are the names (R and Julie).

Again, if you like love stories and fairy tale romance that requires more than a little suspension of disbelief, this is a great movie for you.  If you never got too old for Disney and “Circle of Life” is your couple song, get the DVD, the Blu-ray, the download, and a tattoo of R giving Julie a flower (an image that only appears on the package art).

If that does not describe you and your tastes, and you’re more of a conventional horror fan, your experience will be more like mine. Following is a sampling of my thought during the viewing, in rough chronological order.

Inside the mind of David Pugh

“They talk?  Okay.”

“If he’s a zombie, how is he narrating?”

“Wait, she shot that boney in the chest.  That should do nothing.  R was shot in the chest and didn’t even fall down.  Fail.”

“So now zombies can drive?  And speak in full sentences.  Then they’re not dead.”

“These zombies are not dead, they’re sick, and now they’re getting better.  This is so far out of any zombie canon.  Be open-minded.  It’s a different zombie universe.  There’s Romero, Boyle, Raimi, and this one.  They’re all a little different.”

“These are not zombies, and that’s not John Malkovich.  Malkovich is a massively talented actor.  He could be playing King Lear.  He’s had a movie named after him in which he played a universe of roles.  He has more self-respect than to be in this, and he can act better than that guy on screen who looks like him.  That guy is phoning it in.  He’s embarrassed to be there.  He must be a clone.  You’re a whore, Malkovich!  A WHORE!”

“If she sleeps with him I’m going to puke.”

“Oh God, it’s the balcony scene, with young hipster dialogue, and a not-zombie.”  This is ‘Romeo and Juliet.’  I’m going to puke.”‘

“So zombies are cured by love? And all of those zombies are cured just by seeing R and Julie’s love?  You have got to be kidding me.  Their love could change a world, and it did.  That’s so beautiful.  Cue the chirping blue birds.  Heigh ho, heigh ho.  I’m going to puke.”

“What about necrosis?  Decay?  Does the R and Julie superlove give zombies miraculous restorative power?  What about the scene where R says he and the other zombies have to eat the living to survive?  Does this mean the zombie apocalypse could have been avoided if only people were nicer to the zombies?  This is so stupid, so flawed I….I….I’m going to puke.”,

“I can do it.  I can watch 15 more minutes of this.  I’m a professional.”

“It’s over, thank God.  There’s only one way to live with this.  Those weren’t zombies, and that wasn’t Malkovich.  It was all CGI, developed by some twisted mind.  Ugh.  Malkovich you WHORE!”

“I Gave Him Life!” Stuart Gordon’s Re-Animator

Once upon a time I worked with a guy that was really into horror movies. He really liked Argento and zombie movies. To my naïve untrained mind I was brought up on Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, the 90s slasher era, and the occasional 80s horror movie (ones that I thought only I knew about. Apparently I wasn’t the only kid that had cable growing up). So when he mentioned Stuart Gordon’s Re-Animator (1985) to me, a movie based off the H.P. Lovecraft story of the same name, I had no idea what he was talking about. He recommended it, but then retracted it by saying that I probably would not like it because of some disturbing imagery. He told me the gory details which I recoiled although the movie title haunted me for quite some time. I just did not know if I was up for it.

Fast forward years later and my mind already scarred by torture porn and various other kinds of horror movies pushing way past my comfort zone, another awesome friend had lent me his copy of Re-Animator. He also felt that I would not like it very much. He was wrong. I LOVED it!

What is there to love? Jeffrey Combs of course playing the infamous Herbert West. When I saw the movie I had not read the original story, but I have since and I can tell you that Mr. Combs does an excellent job as West. He brings with him that dry sense of humor and those facial expressions when he is supposed to seem serious or menacing, but you can’t help but chuckle because his face doesn’t move so he can prove his theory. But I digress for my love for Mr. Combs (I also met him in person, a charming man indeed!), I have not told you about the movie itself….

Herbert West is a med student studying at a Swiss Institute where he invents a reagent to re-animate the dead. Only the reagent has some side effects that he needs to work on which are caused by over dosage. West then enrolls at Miskatonic University to further his studies. There he becomes a roommate of fellow med student, Dan (Bruce Abbott, Bad Dreams). West sets up shop in the basement of the house and Dan discovers one of Herbert’s experiments, Dan’s dead cat. West then recruits Dan to help him with his research. After Dr. Carl Hill (David Gale, Bride of Re-Animator), someone that has some real animosity towards West because West challenges him in his theory about “brain death” and Dan because he wants Megan (Barbara Crampton, From Beyond), Dan’s girlfriend, Hill manages to get both men barred from campus. Then of course because they can, West and Dan break into the school and re-animate a corpse in the morgue to test the reagent. All hell breaks loose, Hill discovers West’s reagent and sets out to do his own bidding of mind control to capture Megan. Hard to do when your own head is dismembered from your body, but that is where the ridiculousness and the funny comes into play. The rest goes without saying. There is a naked Megan strapped to a table and Hill’s head some place near where it should not be. You get the picture. Disturbing imagery indeed. I cringed, but I also laughed. Fights, struggles, beasties, someone dies…you have to see this film!

When I reported back to my friend whom lent me the movie about how I felt about the film, he was indeed shocked and said that I had surprised him. From what I gather this film really is not a “chick” movie, but if you have a guy’s sense of humor it is funny and entertaining. Gory, gooey, gross, but still funny. There were two more sequels and it even spawned a musical! Maybe one day we will have a Herbert West meets Ash movie? Wait…wasn’t it a comic?

“The Complete Tales and Poems of Edgar Allan Poe” – the Original Master

When Edgar Allan Poe was writing, the nation was less than 60 years old and he died more than a decade before the start of the Civil War. Yet like the Civil War, which ended almost 150 years ago, Poe’s impact is still felt today.

While Poe wasn’t alone in writing macabre tales and poems at the time – Washington Irving (“Sleepy Hollow”) and Nathaniel Hawthorne (“House of the Seven Gables”) were both active during his lifetime – Poe would dominate the period through sheer volume of work if nothing else.  While not all of his work was eerie (neither is Stephen King’s for that matter) he still managed to churn out 68 short stories, 47 poems, a significant body of criticism, and one short novel in roughly 20 years.

When collected as one volume, “The Complete Tales and Poems” Poe’s work comes to more than 1,000 pages in fairly small print.  Not an afternoon read by any means.  In fact it has taken me probably more than 15 years to get through it all, though admittedly I only picked it up when Autumn came and put it back some time before Spring.  Poe is best for the gloomy months, particularly from October through November, pre-Halloween to Thanksgiving. When there’s a chill in the air, and the wind is picking up, Poe is the perfect read.

Poetry and “The Raven”

Poe’s poetry is a much faster read, and includes some of his most memorable work, namely “Annabel Lee,” “The Bells,” “Eldorado,” “Lenore,” and “The Conqueror Worm.” The most famous among them, “The Raven,” is also probably the best example of why Poe doesn’t translate well to films and television.  What makes the piece chilling and legendary is Poe’s use of language and meter more than the idea of a raven interrupting a man mid-brood.  Because really, that’s all that happens. A man is brooding and reading when a raven comes in and perches on a bust.  The raven says, “Nevermore,” and the man, knowing that ravens are known in folklore as omens and messengers, thinks it means his true love has died.  She is “nevermore.”  That’s it.  The horror is from knowing she’s dead.  No action, no monsters, no dungeon.  Just a guy and talking bird.  But it’s brilliant.

Who could forget the opening lines after reading them even once?

“Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,

Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore –

While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.

‘Tis some visitor,’ I muttered, ‘tapping at my chamber door –

     Only this and nothing more.’”

The poem continues for 19 stanzas, about 3 pages, continuing the distinctive relentless beat and the feeling of gloom and madness.  Almost 17o years later the poem still has great power every time you read it.  Legendary power.

Now take those 19 stanzas, which you could read in 5 minutes, and stretch them out into a two-hour film, or even 90 minutes, or one hour without adding anything.  Just stick to a man brooding and reading while a raven squawks and talks.  It’s hard to make that interesting, even with Michael Bay or Martin Scorsese directing. There may be no better example of a book being better than the movie.

Prose

Of course Poe’s short stories are equally well-known and it’s said that he invented the modern short story.  With “The Murders in the Rue Morgue” he is also said to have invented the detective story, no small feat there.

Among the best-known of his short stories are, “The Fall of the House of Usher,” “The Masque of the Red Death,” “The Black Cat,” “The Cask of Amontillado,” “A Descent into the Maelstrom,” and my favorite, “The Pit and the Pendulum,” which may be his most adapted or imitated story.

In ”The Pit and the Pendulum,” a prisoner of the Spanish Inquisition finds himself strapped down in a dark room.  Swinging down from the ceiling is a massive blade that lowers inch by inch every time it swings.  Below him is a pit with rats crawling out that nibble at him from time to time.  Over the course of the story, the prisoner must figure out how to escape his bonds before the blade cuts him in half.  But even if he does, there’s still the pit, and the rats.  It may be impossible to have a story more filled with tension, panic, and despair.

My close second favorite is “The Tell-Tale Heart,” a timeless story about a man driven mad by his neighbor’s oversized, gleaming eye. Unable to look at the eye any longer, the man murders his neighbor and hides the body beneath the apartment floorboards.  For the rest of the story, the man continues his descent into madness and paranoia as the authorities come to investigate the murder and the man believes he hears the old man’s heart still beating beneath the floor.  Beating louder and louder until he thinks everyone must hear it and they’re only toying with him.  Many Poe stories deal with paranoia and madness, but none as terrifyingly real, none as frantic as this.  Not all of Poe’s stories have aged well, but as long as there are men, and murder, this one will continue to chill readers.

Humor and clunkers

Poe wasn’t just a writer of poems, suspense, and horror.  He wrote some stories that were straight fiction, or humor resonant of Mark Twain such as “Why the Little Frenchman Wears His Hand in a Sling,” or “The Literary Life of Thingum Bob.” He also wrote fiction similar to that of Jules Verne, with elements of early science fiction and adventure.  And then there were stories that Poe seems to have written to show how something could happen.  Bits of trivia with thin stories wrapped around them.  They tend not to be very good.

Despite leaving the University of Virginia after a year and spending most of his time at West Point drinking and gambling, Poe was a super-genius.  He spoke multiple languages, had a solid understanding of advanced science, math, and philosophy, and was a master of codes.  At times when he worked for newspapers he would write puzzles and brain teasers to fill space and keep readers amused.  Some of his stories would have been better as word puzzles because as stories they’re not very interesting.  There’s little character development and everything hinges on expositionally presenting circumstances to prove a point.

The best example of this is “Three Sundays in a Week,” in which a young man is charged with impossible tasks to win the hand of his love.  Poe uses the story to show us how the impossible would be possible (such as how there could be three Sundays in one week, by crossing the international date line), more to his delight than ours.

Arthur Gordon Pym

One problem with Poe is he’s from the era where the primary forms of entertainment were reading, parlor games (cards/charades), music, and conversation, and when it got dark your day was done.  This gave people a much higher tolerance for longer stories than we do today  because they had fewer demands on their time.  As a result, Poe’s stories can run long, not by a little, but by a lot. There are classical references and bits of Latin in there that you don’t see anymore and which mean little to the modern reader.  And there are whole sections of some stories that are a bear to get through.

The worst offender is “The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket.” Clocking in at 131 pages long, it’s a short novel, and by far Poe’s longest work.  It appears to be about a young man who falls in love with the sea and becomes a sailor, living a life of adventure until he disappears under mysterious circumstances.

At least I think it is, because after getting through the first chapter I started skimming to see if it was worth more effort.  Each paragraph could have been a sentence, if it was needed at all.   It made me long for Hemmingway and the literary revolution he helped bring about with short, concise paragraphs, but sadly this was long before Hemmingway was even a gleam in his father’s eye.  In fact, Hemmingway’s father was still likely a gleam and maybe his father’s father, so Poe could ramble away.  Seeing little reason to endure more of “Arthur Gordon Pym,” I rambled on out of there.

All in all, “The Complete Tales and Poems” is an excellent collection worthy of the title “classic.”  There are smaller editions that include less, but the supplemental material in “The Complete Tales and Poems,” namely details about the works and Poe’s life, make getting this collection worthwhile.  What’s more, it’s easily found, even as an e-book, and very affordable.  You can find editions in paperback or hardcover, in bargain formats or in high-end collector’s formats to put on display and impress people with.  Just be sure to read it.

“The Walking Dead” Season 3 – Now We Want Them to Live

I know a lot of people who watch “The Walking Dead.”  It’s one of the most popular shows on TV, and the new 4th season is setting ratings records, so that’s not surprising.  But all the same, I know a lot of people who either are watching the seasons as they are broadcast, or are catching up on DVD, and one of the interesting things I’ve noticed is that almost everyone I know who has seen the show says after Season 1, “Damn, (insert any character name) is annoying!”  Then, after Season 2, the opinion becomes “I hate everyone but Daryl and maybe Glenn. Especially Carl.  He’s got to die.  But I really hate Lori.  And Shane.  No, Carol.  Dammit, everyone but Daryl. I want them all to die.  Great show.”

In Season 3, that changes.  You start wanting the characters to live.

To recap, the premise of the show is the zombie apocalypse has occurred. Due to a mysterious virus, the dead walk, hungry for living flesh, and if they bite or scratch you, you will become one of them.  Also, everyone who dies naturally will become one of them.  The only way to stop them or to prevent a freshly dead person from turning into a zombie is to destroy their brain.

The dead outnumber the living and most of civilization has collapsed, though pockets of military are still active.  In most cases, small groups of survivors roam in search of food, supplies, and a safe place to stay.  Those who have a safe place do their best to defend it from looters and the endless waves of the dead.

One group of survivors is led by deputy sheriff Rick Grimes (Andrew Lincoln). In Season 1, Rick, his wife Lori (Sarah Wayne Callies), their young son Carl (Chandler Riggs), and Rick’s best friend and partner, fellow deputy Shane Walsh (Jon Bernthal) form the core of a ragtag caravan looking for safety and answers.  They arrived at the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta and learned from the sole remaining scientist that there are few answers and there’s little hope.

In Season 2, the group came upon the rural Georgia farm of veterinarian Hershel Greene (Scott Wilson) and his daughters Maggie (Lauren Cohan) and Beth (Emily Kinney).  Rick convinced Hershel to let them stay for a while, and for the first time the group had a home.

But internal conflict threatened to tear the group apart, especially tension between Rick and the increasingly unsteady Shane, who had been having an affair with Lori, begun when the two of them thought Rick was dead. Rick and Shane square off and Rick kills Shane, just before the farm is overrun by a massive herd of zombies driven out of Atlanta.  The group’s only hope of survival is to flee, burning down the farm in the hopes of wiping out many of the zombies with it.

Now, in Season 3, the group has found a new home – a prison, fortified and full of supplies.  It would be the ideal place to stay, but first they have to clear it of the walking dead.

At the same time, one of the group, Andrea (Laurie Holden), who was separated from the group when they fled the farm, was found by the sword-wielding mystery woman Michonne (Danai Gurira, right). The two survived for months together, using a meat locker as their base, but had to leave when Andrea became very ill.  They are discovered by a paramilitary unit and taken to Woodbury, an actual town of about 75 survivors, led by a man known as The Governor (David Morissey, left).

Andrea is cured and the two women are invited to stay in the seemingly idyllic suburban town, but Michonne suspects things aren’t what they seem.  Her suspicions and investigations irritate the Governor and Michonne leaves, forcing Andrea to choose between the friend who saved her life and what is very nearly a normal, comfortable life in Woodbury.

 

Things turn ugly when the Governor sends a unit out to kill Michonne.  Half the members of the unit, led by redneck Merle Dixon (Michael Rooker, right) are killed by Michonne before she’s injured battling Merle and forced to flee. Merle tracks Michonne to an abandoned small town to finish her off and encounters two members of Rick’s group, Glenn Rhee (Steven Yeun) and Maggie, on a supply run. He recognizes Glenn and his plans change.

Merle was a member of Rick’s group in Season 1, until Rick handcuffed Merle to a pipe on the roof of a building in Atlanta because Merle was getting out of control.  The key to the cuffs was lost just as zombies started to overrun the building and the rest of the group was forced to flee, but Rick promised to come back.  When he did, Merle was gone, escaping by amputating his own hand and killing every zombie he encountered on the way out.  Now the two things Merle wants most are to have his revenge on Rick, and to find his brother Daryl (Norman Reedus), who is still a member of Rick’s group, and unknown to Merle has become Rick’s right-hand man.

Merle kidnaps Glenn and Maggie and brings them back as prizes for the Governor, with the secret intent of torturing them both to find out where Rick and Daryl are.  Hiding out of sight, the sick and wounded Michonne witnesses the kidnapping and staggers to the prison, carrying the supplies Maggie and Glenn were to bring.   She’s found by Rick’s people, rescued from a zombie attack and healed, then tentatively brought into the fold long enough to join a rescue party to get Maggie and Glenn out of Woodbury.  The rescue attempt is successful, but it sets off a conflict between the two camps that runs the rest of the season.

This conflict between the Woodbury and prison communities makes for outstanding tension and illustrates the stress on both leaders.  It also gives us a very worthy villain in the form of The Governor.  He is made to be a human figure, charming on the outside, but secretly a brutal monster who stands out in a world where brutality is commonplace.

This may be my favorite season of the series so far.  Early in the series, it was established that normal series rules do not apply here – anyone can die at any time, even key characters like Lori, who died in childbirth.  This season, another rule is established – through excellent character development and writing, and outstanding acting and direction, any character can be redeemed and made enjoyable.  Just be careful about the first rule, it’s still in effect and that character you used to hate but now like could die at any time.